I’ve fallen into a funk these last few weeks. I haven’t been writing or embroidering or doing other creative stuff. I haven’t been doing any of my classwork. I still haven’t finished the November PAD (poem-a-day) or much else for that matter.
A couple days ago there was a shooting in Newtown, Connecticut where many small children and some adults perished. I don’t know whether to be angry at such violence or hopeful at the acts of heroism and compassion that I’ve heard about. I just feel numb.
This mini mid-life crisis I’m going through isn’t the same as being blocked. It has very little to do with the shooting and is my own experience. It’s like driving in a fog where you can only see a couple of feet in front of you.
So what have I been doing? I’ve been doing a little reading, “Finding Your Own North Star,” by Martha Beck and watching a few movies. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and ruminating. None of this is productive and as an efficient Virgo I find this very distressing.
I recognize that these fallow or down periods can lead to better things. Sometimes what’s needed is a period of composting, of processing events and feelings. Like the pauses in music or the space between words. I went to choral concert last night (to get more in the holiday spirit) with my boyfriend. We were going to visit afterwards, but then I realized, I have nothing to say. So I dropped him off at his house and went on my “merry” way.
Happy Holidays to all!
“Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen.”
~Robert Bresson, French Film Director